Itt half term and I have been blessed with being able to go to a house by th esea for the week. aaai have been to this house many times so i was shocked by the upheaval in my brain. ai realised tough what had chaged was the age of my children an dth e circumstances of my life. Things had been pretty stressful for Zippy and I external issues leaned on our determination and chipped holes in our existance.
So although was safe , we were as a family in one of the most peaceful places, my brain beacame unsetteled.
Within ten minutes of arrival I had a migraine that squashed my head mececly I lost vision in one of my eyes and omy tounge went numb. Two days later I reppeared fragile and sensitive.
Then the crunch came on the third night I drank a bottle of wine and agrued with Zippy. What followed after that arguement still shocks me, within an hour The onlr answer that seem fersable to me was to die. Mentally I clocked up all th pills and alcahol in he house, what scared me evenmore was that I had no ability to 'feel' that my leaving would be anythig but posative for all. Zippy had gone for a walk to calm I was in the house alone. Myy heart and mind only had one answer and that was for me to leave, for me to free thoes sround me from my existance.
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