Sorry it's taken longer than I thought to get this email too you.
After our last session when we worked with my arms and I new I had sort of reached the end of what I could manage. I guess with all the things going on in life some places are to distracting to go near. I'm aware this will leave things inside me but I kind of feel it's for the best.
It wasn't an easy decision to make I was so angry with 1-8 and number 9. I couldn't work out what it had all been for if the process was going to be left unfinished.
Then on the Monday after our last Wednesday the `boat` I had inside me erupted and I had to go to A and E. As it was 3:30 in the morning Gareth couldn't come with me because of the kids. I faced A and E on my own and once I was on a trolley they wouldn't let me walk around so I had to face that, but with the work we had done on the table I was able to and kept on my left side. It turned out I had a stone caught in my biliary tract and three huge stone were found in my gallbladder. My liver was and still is very upset.
But as people came and went and I was asked a thousand questions I knew how to answer (by sitting up so 1-8 could talk) I knew how to scan my body when there was a quite moment so when the next person came I could tell them how I was `feeling`.
I had drips put in my arms and I new to expect the arm twitching (even if they didn't). I had doctors put stethoscopes down my back and feel under my chin and ears and prod my tummy!!! And I just kept imagining being in the therapy room. Later I was on a ward as they want I monitor my liver and oxygen levels and I knew I needed to have space so asked for the curtains to be drawn.
I'm sure your getting the picture. It was as if all we had done in the year we worked together just came together for that crazy 24hrs in hospital so I could feel safe. All the way through it I kept thinking 'I want this to be positive` don't fall in helpless mode, keep identifying, keep thinking "what you need to do to feel safe". And of corse all the way through I kept picturing you and your liver and the crazy fact that we had talked about that just mad me smile. I can't thank you enough for all you have done to help me get to a place were I am. I've been through that experience and in no way feel disempowered, and managed to communicate and stay my age.
So since that half term week I have also experienced ambulatory care, blood tests every few days, two different GPs, consultants, medical teams, surgical teams, it's been full on!! Tomorrow I have an MRI to check there are no stones stuck they couldn't see on the ultrasound.then they will operate to take my gallbladder out. My LFT's are not getting better so they now want test for autoimmune stuff.
But it been so weird I honestly have no idea how could have done any of this a year ago, it would have been impossible. It's lovely as well for my kids to see me go through this and me still be able to stay connected to them as mum, they have not see me scared. I just say to them 'this is why mummy did body therapy'.
Anyway I know I've said it already but THANKYOUUUUUU!!!!!!!
Keep going with all that you are doing in the field of body work it's so important. I think I the end it will be seen as weird that the body was ever let out of healing!!!!! I hope you and your fabulous liver are doing really well and you enjoy Poland next week. It was a privilege to walk with you this last year and I smile as I know you will walk with many others and help them to.
Joanna
Sent from my iPad
