New extremes

 A short thought

Extremes and faith. Yesterday I would have said the extremes were signs of victories in faith. Flexibility, the ability to be ready, need nothing and go!!! Go, go as the call was made and the sacrifice required was presented. Go with a smile in the middle of the night.

Yesterday I would have said that extreme faith was the only way to test my commitment to the absolute. This would mean loss after loss, but a better fight after fight!

But then the extremes became normal, my brain became addicted and my heart lost reason. The distance between safe and unsafe ever wider.

So a few generations on, yesterday became today and now we fight for a firmer future but we stand on sand.

The new extremes are not the normal obvious whizz bang boooo!!!. The extremes are now things we dare not believe and talk about with whispered breath like consistency, longevity and trust.

Yep! the new extremes are not a high risk or a potent mixture of heady grit between the teeth. They are just the basic building blocks of relationship. 

These new extremes are barely remembered, if at all. There are few places to learn them from in this rushed instant existence, they are what make relationships grow and nurture. The new extremes such as honesty, love, loyalty, fun, joy and connection.

Join a revolution in the extremes of  today with rebuilding safety that can create houses on rocks. Join a revolution in having to learn about roots and sticks.

Join a revolution in the biggest most scary things of all, being in relationship with the wider. Home making, being friend, being mother, being father, being son / daughter, being community, creating safety rocks and making genuineness that last a life time. 

A new set of weary soldiers shout;

 "We want to live on rocks, the sand made us sea sick with its swaying". 

"We want to build on rocks so we have solid places to bungee from and spring back to".

So may we have the courage to cut this new extreme path. The sight to see  the longer way over individual, instant, and idealistic gain.

 Revolutionaries;

 "build with others, connected no longer be alone". As history had tried to say before, "No man is  an island and singular ness is not his throne".

Then on the rocks, villages will appear!, the old and young will learn to live again, need will be appeased and people will see people not just a possibility of gain. 

Yep, in this new love revolution family and community will reign.

Parts, Spanners and Logic

Being able to look holistically at things is something that has not always been available to me. The world has never been a simple place. It has always been, for the best part, a confusing, moving, heaving mass of intertwined meanings, subtexts and fascias.

I found people, places, routines, and non-routines hard. It was all hard and, in short, seemed very little that I understood until 1999.

It was in this year that a thought struck me and that was to take my love of trucks and large engines on a gear (excuse the pun). (I respect the humble car and its fine twiddly bits but there not a patch on a good old Perkins). I then enrolled on a two year mechanics 'Remove Replace NVQ', I got more than I bargained for.

We first had to learn each system; what and why it was there? Water system, oil system, suspension, brakes, fuel; the list is quite large so I'll stop. Then we had to learn how all these things helped and interacted with each other. Making the vehicle work smoothly and efficiently.

We then learned how all these systems then had to respond and alter when encountering external changes. Reacting smoothly to influences such as speed, load and temperature. 

The penny dropped and my eyes were open! Sparks flew, even as I write this, and I feel an excited churning in my belly!

One of my best friends had finally entered my world 'LOGIC'!

Gradually, over the two years, me and logic grew a deep relationship. I realised life is like an engine and relationships are like the systems on cars. Conversations are like the external pressures requiring flexibility and reaction.

It was the first time I had an ability to get out of the reactionary (the world is unpredictable and dangerous) a mode that I had always lived in. Things, stuff and people in my mind clearly became the same as those complicated vehicle drawings and I could now navigate and understand.

I saw life in levels, sub levels, dancing and interacting. I saw and still see people and environments in this same way. From physical self, emotions, speech, work and to rest. Each have layers and systems. You learn what must be in place to make them / it work.

The dinner must be made in time so all the component parts are cooked. Each according to there oil based, protein carbohydrate based, water content, identities. It can then all be presented at the same point, thus creating a multi-taste experience at the table. With the correct cutlery and drinks receptacle in the right quantities, which then correspond to the ages and diets of those eating.   

The lounge can be broken down into sofa, floor, bin, mantle piece, smell, dust layer, dog bed, computer / tv, and all of these must be at optimum function. Resulting in the ability to relax for the evening.

People talk to you and they will have an overall character. You will interact with it in a certain way (like/dislike), they will have super purposes for the direction of their lives which will then be broken down into pathways (walked or raced). each pathway full of sub purposes, actions and events. 

If I as the other conversant can grasp what the current purpose ( ie: to relax, to plan and to discover) is then I can interact or retract according to the most product perceived outcome. 

Often I  have learned that what is most enjoyable is not to have an ending. Having opened up a set of thoughts with another - leave it open. Don't look for closure on the the discussion, this then allows for further contemplation and creativity can kick in. Usually you find a whole new way of concluding, which would have been lost if at the point of parting either one of the conservationists had panicked, and tried to stunt the process into a box.

Sometimes if things are clear enough and I have an umbrella view, there seems to be the ability to see the colours of the situations. Blue for water, red for brakes and yellow for auxiliaries. That person is green, the room is blue and you are messy. You don't know your brown and lumpy; let's discover your true life giving colours. Let's add a good dashing of logical hope. That ones red, this ones multi coloured with extra glitter.

Yes it's a colourful world!!! The gift of logic was such a blessing! The gift of understanding how to build something complicated by breaking it down into systems, parts and types of materials. Understanding that in the end it must all work together seamlessly and produce a maintained well oiled smooth engine which is fit for purpose. It all still stuns me!

Whilst I see this is a continued learning experience and journey; I am eternally grateful to my tutors, Rodger and Dennis. The hours they practically gave, starting with parts and spanners instead of pen and paper! This blog I dedicate to honour them. Thank you.

Body brain and bed! (A short poem)

Energy, physical energy!

It would be lovely to have enough spark
to go from morning to night.

To not give up half way through a day
and SHOUT "turn out the light".

But what we must realise is our head
is never severed from our body's form.

Our beautiful nerves and sinew are intrinsically linked
and this can make the whole mass forlorn.

It's just like a headache
measles or stress. 

head and nervous system intertwine
but sometimes end up in a relational mess!

So spare a thought for hurting heads
that can't stand straight on toes. 

It's not that they are lazy and can't get out of bed,
like everyone thinks they know.

Fact is they are physically exhausted
trying to move in a tied up rope. 

Takes a lot to keep a perspective
Energetic... Light... Hope.

Next time you take ill
please take note of it's effect on your whole mass.

Spare an understanding thought for those
who feel they keep coming mentally physically last.

Carwen

A simple mess.

Sometimes things build up and get overwhelming; the flat crusts up as if it were a piece of metal rusting in the rain (wet cold and unyielding).

The ability to deal with the rusty crust and to know how much effort it's going to take to sand it back to to metal stops me in my tracks (fear creeps in I gulp it down and look again). I know what it needs. 

You need to fill the dents and prime it up. Give it a first thin coat so it doesn't show a drip and then a second (possibly a final third coat) so it ends finished  in a lustrous deep colour of white.

Ah yes! when the flat creeps into a concentrated mess of layers and sub layers. The easy thing to do would be to sit paralysed  and unable to take your finger out of the dyke for fear of drowning. 

Boldly I learned one day from a friend the following: Go into the mess and pick one thing up. Ask yourself "were does this belong?" Take the item and put it away, if it had no 'home' then make it one. 

Small things

Small things can sometimes mean the world! They are sometimes the greatest of unseen achievement. They encourage you to make a smile in the private everyday.

Today after living in our flat for almost ten years, after carrying four plastic key recognition covers for months, I have finally colour coordinated mine and Zippy's front door keys.

This means on a daily basis we will no longer get confused (our keys are all the same silver colour) between our main door and front door key. Wooo hoo!! I HAVE ACHIEVED!!!!! Sooooo HAPPY!!

Tourettes friends and family weekend

Family & Friends weekend 2013

May 2013 -  The whole family are all helping to put together a holiday weekend for people and families affected by Tourettes.

Back then having only showed or talked about the inner workings of my world with a handful of people. Back then it was to much of a risk, not only was it probable that there would be a melting internally but I was scared and covered in shame. Still at what seemed like the mercy of my physical self and unsure / unaware of why my body reacted the way it did.

As our fellow campers arrived, we watched from our camp. The dodge (our beloved converted camper-van) was placed away from the majority in the corner of the field. This placing of distance was a standard for me and Zippy as partly it meant a place for me to retreat to. A place I could complete my rituals to calm down and not being seen by others but there was a huge surprise to this normality!

The dreaded silent gap

So what I would like to tackle today is what I call the dreaded gap.

As you know, change is not something I adapt to easily and this morning was a classic example.

Over the weekend we had left our car at the office and borrowed the mini bus to help with a children's party on the Saturday.

Monday morning, this morning, Zippy reminded me again that we would drive the kids to school in the mini bus (not the car) . I was greatful for the warning of difference as I had again forgotten the change. His warning meant a softer landing on its encounter.