risky write

This is a blog I have written before, I wondered weather I should write it again. I  feel i much, because as the answers come to  I want to share.

Itt half term and I have been blessed with being able to go to a house by th esea for the week. aaai have been to this house many times so i was shocked by the upheaval in my brain. ai realised tough what had chaged was the age of my children an dth e circumstances of my life. Things had been pretty stressful for Zippy and I external issues leaned on our determination and chipped holes in our existance.

So although  was safe , we were as a family in one of the most peaceful places, my brain beacame unsetteled.

Within  ten minutes of arrival I had a migraine that squashed my head mececly I lost vision in one of my eyes and omy tounge went numb. Two days later I reppeared fragile and sensitive.

Then the crunch came on the third night I drank a bottle of wine and agrued with Zippy. What followed after that arguement still shocks me, within an hour The onlr answer that seem fersable to me was to die. Mentally I clocked up all th pills and alcahol in he house, what scared me evenmore was that I had no ability to 'feel' that my leaving would be anythig but posative for all. Zippy had gone for a walk to calm I was in the house alone. Myy heart and mind only had one answer and that was for me to leave, for me to free thoes sround me from my existance.

Hope pills

I just want everything to be alright! I want the effort of the fight to stop!! I want all those tired of the monotony of the struggle to have rest!!

I  sometimes get tired of taking the next weary step. I look to thoes who are equally as weary, in solidarity. I am grateful not to be walking alone.

We stumble, bump, hobble, forwards, sometimes with a smile sometimes with a tear.

But looping again I say. What I really want is for it all to be at peace. Those trapped, those struggling, those who just need to have a hope pill every day!!!

Yes a bucket of hope be poured on us all!! A bucket of joy drench and renew us!!! We walk, we walk, we walk, we carry, we walk, we walk, we carry, we walk, we walk, we walk!!!!

Thank you to all who walk and carry me, I love you, I appreciate you from, twitter to Face Book, from drinking tea in my kitchen to eating biscuits in yours!!! From north to south, Australia to Newcastle.. Hope be on you, joy be in you!!! Xxx

The old boxer

They look at the old boxer now, a withered and scared form.

They say they understand because they know he used to fight.

They say they understand the slanting nose and the creak of his previously dancing toes.

They look at the boxer, and they understand he used to fight.

But in his tired eyes there is never rest,

For although his body is past it's best,

From being asked to fight to young his brain is in a mess.

He fights now for his dignity and tried to hide, 

his confusion of humanity's seas and tides

One day like his body his mind to will rest 

Holding to account those who put him in the ring before his first christening was blessed.

But until that time look at him and say you understand he used to fight,

And then allow him extra time to feel the blessing of life.